What Your Eyes Hear...

It is better to trust the eyes than the ears. The perfect proverb (German) to open this week’s blog. We continue to learn how true this proverb is and can see the impact in the choices we make, the quality of our relationships, and the influence we have with others. Nonverbals are so important in the way we engage with others every day.

If you have been preparing for a job interview you are probably well aware of how important nonverbal communication is. You’ve been coached, or you’ve read, that in addition to being prepared and qualified for the position, you need to pay attention to things such as:

• smile (to appear approachable)
• stand and invite a firm shake (to demonstrate confidence) 
• sit slightly forward in your seat (to indicate you are listening and interested) 

What you may not realize is that nonverbal communication is important to everyone – whether you are looking for a job or not.

The images we send out, whether intentionally or subconsciously influence the perceptions others have of us and how they see and interpret our behaviors. Perceptions, whether right or wrong, are a person’s snapshot of their reality at that moment, and are directly tied to issues of trust. In addition, the way we communicate nonverbally can also be tied to our performance, and thus we are seeing workplace trends to curb the “dress down Friday concept”. Research indicates that “dress down” influences “quality down”.

In his new book Louder Than Words, (which I highly recommend), Joe Navarro a retired FBI Special Agent shares his experience and insights on how to improve your abilities to understand the power of nonverbal communications to improve your career options, as well as improve customer relationships, build sales, and improve your leadership skills. Here’s a snapshot of a few nonverbals that he reminds us are hiding in plain sight:

• Body language – this is usually what we think of when we refer to nonverbals. The way you tilt you head, or cross your arms, etc.. The more you are knowledgeable about how these movements and gestures can be interpreted the more powerful you will be to intentionally manage what your body says.  
• Appearance – the brain’s visual cortex (where we process what we see) is huge. We constantly are observing how others look and use that perception to make decisions about who we want to be associated with as well as generating an impression of what that experience might be like. Don’t overlook the power of appearance whether you are networking, selling, interviewing, or providing a service. Appearance counts!  
• Speech – I’m writing about nonverbals, so why am I mentioning speech? Joe is focused more on how we speak rather than what we say. Research consistently indicates that approximately 7% of what we hear is a result of the words that are spoken, while 38% is influenced by voice tone, and 55% is nonverbal. So to be heard, be aware of how you speak. Your attitude, inflection, volume, speed, cadence, emphasis, hesitations, pauses, and even where and when you select to be silent all impact what is heard.
• Listening – develop your skill to listen with empathy. This includes being able to engage your ears, eyes, heart and undivided attention at the same time. Experiment using these elements in your next conversation and see if the results are different. I think what you’ll find is a big difference between “listening” and “listening empathetically”. This is why doctors, stockbrokers and managers who have trusted and good relationships with their patients, clients and employees employ this technique. What could this do for your career?  
• Verbal mirroring – the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers is credited for this technique. To quickly establish a connection with someone pay attention to the words they use, and rather than use phrases and words you like to use to anchor conversations, use the words of the person you are speaking with. For example, if your teammate says she is scared about losing her home if she loses her job, don’t respond by saying you understand she is afraid of losing her house. She is scared and it’s her home. Yes, she’ll understand you, but you won’t be communicating as efficiently and empathetically as you could to invite her to feel like she is being understood at a much deeper level. 
• Behaviors – people form opinions of us based on our behaviors and that’s why individuals are coached on positive behaviors they should exhibit in an interview. But what about our other daily interactions? Etiquette and good nonverbals both deal with behaviors that put people at ease and produce good relationships. Neatness, punctuality, preparation, attentiveness and hard work are just a few that make unforgettable impressions in the workplace.  
• Environmental nonverbals –Joe coined the phrase “curbside appeal” to describe this element of nonverbal communication. This includes our advertising, how others perceive us, and how we treat others. How you present yourself or your company, and how attentive you are to others speaks volumes. The book also includes a Curbside Appeal Pop Quiz. How would your business do?  
• Intangibles – Do you equate humility with being successful? The elements of character, humility, dignity, confidence, arrogance, surliness, and timidity are all very powerfully expressed nonverbals. How are your currently displaying your character and values? Are others receiving the message you intended to send? 

This book is a fast and enjoyable read. You will walk away with a lot of useful and easy to practice information. In fact, I think this is a book I will visit on many occasions as a refresher. One of the chapters in Louder than Words ends with a reference to how important nonverbals are in the political arena; influencing who we trust and vote for. When it’s important – getting a job, influencing a sale, winning a promotion, building a team, leading change – be mindful of the power of nonverbal communications. On that note, you might enjoy this review of the political process and nonverbal communications.

What are your experiences with nonverbals and career success? I’d like to hear from you.
  
RESOURCES: Louder than Words, Joe Navarrro 

The Definitive Book of Body Language, Barbara Pease  

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