What Happened to Manners in the Office?

It's Hip To Be Square Polite!

It was 1986 when Huey Lewis & The News produced the hit song, It’s Hip To be Square.  Today, I’d like to see someone climb the charts with a song entitled, “It’s hip to be polite!"

From a Human Resources perspective, as well as a member of the human race, I can’t help but wonder…

“Whatever happened to manners and etiquette?”

“When did it become popular to be rude and disrespectful?”

“What does the focus on “it’s all about me” mean for future generations at work and at home?”

Questioning where our relationships, personal freedoms and society are headed may be a bit risky, but I think it’s important.

The impressions we make reflect a lot about the person we are. And in business, to be successful you need to consistently make a good impression.  When someone interacts with you or observes you, they are getting a glimpse at your emotional intelligence (EI). EI impacts behaviors such as, your concern and caring for others, your sensitivity to put others at ease, and your ability to manage yourself in a way that results in building respectful and courteous relationships.  If you had to add someone to your team would you want the person who uses profanity, dresses for work in a ‘show-it-all’ style, and is constantly texting while you are trying to have a conversation? Or, the person who thanked you for the directions to the office, answered your interview questions with a focus on what he/she could do for the team, not what he/she wanted from the team, and dressed in a professional style that demonstrated understanding of the importance of appropriate business wear?  I’m guessing the second candidate would be higher on the preference list.  The reason --- the differences between the two are also reflecting how each would treat and respect others.  You would want to hire the person who would most value and respect other team players.

It used to be that parents taught their children good manners, by setting examples and maintaining a high bar for behavioral expectations.  Today, many organizations are finding they need to help model what acceptable behaviors and manners look like in the work place. My guess is that most people have heard about the Golden Rule.  It’s one thing to recite it; it’s another thing to live it.  Emily Post once said, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”  Let’s start there.

Basics You and Your Office Mates Can’t Do Without

• You’ve heard it before, I hope.  Say “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome” as part of your everyday courtesies.  They never go out of style and do more than you will ever know for building respect and trust.
• Do what you say you are going to do.  If others cannot take you at your word, what do you have left to offer?
• Be sensitive to the fact that not everyone will think a joke, cartoon, video, or picture is funny.  They may find it distasteful, offensive and grounds for a claim of hostile work environment.  
• Don’t be a bully; place the needs of others’ before yours.
• Be considerate and share your stuff, whether that is your supplies, information or lunch.
• Avoid discussions of politics, sex, religion and money.  These are topics that are very personal and people are usually very passionate about.  If they don’t impact your project – avoid them.
• Be interested, compassionate and listen to others.  Practice active listening. Think about what others have to say, rather than being focused on hearing yourself.
• Manage personal calls in a way that not everyone has to hear it. If you’re in a cubicle or on the bus or elevator, tell the caller you’ll call them back when it is more convenient. Just because you can take your phone everywhere, doesn’t mean that anywhere is an appropriate location for the conversation.  Believe me; we don’t want to know all those details.
• Dress to impress. There are all kinds of negative stereotypical impressions people get when they see others in provocative, unkempt, or falling off clothing. You’re at work – dress the part of a business professional.  If you’re not sure what that is, ask one of the personal shopping helpers at the department store to give you some ideas. Their services are free.
• Manage the volume of your headset, or your computer speakers so that others around you don’t have to listen to the music you find delightful – they may not.
• Profanity and crude remarks have no place in the office, and for that matter, in public. I still find it distasteful and gutter-like, when I hear “Oh, this (fill in the blank) sucks!”  Language says a lot about your style, intelligence and professional approach, use it wisely. 
• Be mindful to motivate others.  Good managers give praise in public and criticize in private.  That goes for all our relationships – at work and at home.
• Thank you letters and notes only take a moment and make a huge impression. There is always something to be thankful for – time someone shares with you to network, provide introductions, offer career advice, share information, etc.  Tell them how much you appreciate their time and knowledge.

Meeting Etiquette

In addition to the above, keep these points in mind for demonstrating your respect for everyone’s time and efforts when gathered for meetings:

• Be on time for the meeting
• Start and end the meeting on time
• Turn cell phones, pagers, etc. off or put on vibrate – even better, don’t bring them to the meeting so you can remain focused
• Be prepared and participate in discussions and presentations
• Give your attention to the person who is speaking – avoid sidebars
• Do not text, take calls, or work on your laptop (unless you are the meeting recorder) during the meeting.   It’s like whispering to someone while someone else is talking --- it’s rude
• Don’t interrupt others while they are talking, wait your turn
• Show appreciation for the kindnesses extended by others.  Did someone bring refreshments, or do a special presentation?  Thank them
• The boss gets the benefit of the doubt. Don’t argue with your boss, especially in front of others  
• Make new team members feel welcome. Introduce them and help them come up to speed

Speakerphone Etiquette

More and more meetings are held over the phone these days. In addition to all the points above, practice these courtesies when conducting conference calls with a speakerphone:

• Take the call in a room where you can close the door and not disturb others.
• When you officially begin the meeting, conduct a role call initiated by the meeting facilitator against the names of the people invited to the meeting.
• Always announce everyone who is in the room listening and/or participating on the call.
• Do not put the caller on hold if your office has “on hold” music or messages that all the other callers will have to listen to.
• If conducting a vote during the call, ask for yeas, as well as nays.
• If having a personal call, always ask permission before you put the caller on a speakerphone.
• While your hands are free, don’t be tempted to do emails and typing – be present with the call and participate.
• Always demonstrate regard for others on the call – this is especially true if you are taking calls from your home office or locations away from your desk.  Be aware of background noises and distractions.

Cell Phone Etiquette

The convenience of having our phones with us 24/7 has changed the way we work, as well as the way we communicate. Keep these things in mind in order to spare those around you with TMI:

• Be aware of your location and make a conscious decision if it is appropriate or not for the call.  For example, in a restaurant if you absolutely have to take a call, step outside so as to not interrupt others at your table, and/or disturb diners at tables around yours.
• Be aware of adding to noise pollution and have your phone on vibrate when at work, or in locations such as hospitals, libraries, meetings, etc.   All those “cute” ringtones can be irritating.
• Do not use your cell phone while driving – that includes checking the internet, emails, answering or placing calls, and or texting.  Many states now have laws against these activities.   It is best to pull over.   More and more research is demonstrating the negative impacts of trying to perform these multi-tasking functions while also trying to concentrate on the drivers around you.
• Be aware of the privacy of others. Do not use cell phone cameras in an invasive and inappropriate manner.

A More Respectful Environment

Manners have nothing to do with class – it’s all about demonstrating your character and values. It only takes a moment to smile at someone and say “good morning”, or “have a good evening.”  However, the return for your investment in these basic courtesies will be huge in building positive relationships with others, establishing and sustaining emotional trust, and cultivating a culture of respect in your workplace and in the world around you.  It’s never too late to improve your behavioral habits, it costs nothing, and you’ll feel much better according to Patricia Eyring in an interview on CNN.

Whether you are looking to advance in your firm, searching for a new job, or working as a ‘free-agent’ (insert link to blog on “free agent”) focused on marketing and sales, doing your part to reverse the decline of respect in our society will benefit you and your children. 

I’m interested in your thoughts.  Do you think manners and etiquette have a place in our workplace today?   Even though Emily Post’s family still runs a business based on the work she started so long ago, has our development into a fast-paced, technology-advancing world eliminated a need for personal courtesies?  

Resources

Modern Manners and Etiquette

Emily Post

Books

The Etiquette Edge

Etiquette for Dummies